We all now know about the Ray Rice issue. Jokes and opinions about his situation are spreading like wildfire. Some people are blaming him, some are blaming Janay, some are not happy that he has lost his job, some are saying that she is took it only because she enjoys the lifestyle. My thing is this….The way he hit her in the elevator, leads me to one conclusion: This is not the first time he has hit her. My main concern now is that they both get help, because there is an issue on both ends. My thing is this…physical violence in a relationship is never the way to handle any issue that you may be having with each other. That is a childish way to lash out, in my opinion.

There was a trending topic on twitter that I thought was very eye-opening, and also very brave to me. The #whyIstayed trending topic was great because it helped others to see that they were not alone in what they went through, and that overall any type of abuse generally roots from similar issues. The bible is true when it says, there is nothing new under the sun (Ecclesiastes 1:9) . Self-esteem issues, mom issues, dad issues, etc. are the root a lot of times. This is why it is so important to find out what the root issue is, and kill the root. If you don’t kill the root, the weed will continue to grow, and there are a lot of weeds getting into flowerbeds these days. The other sad thing is that many do not realize that they are a flowerbed. A beautiful combination of various types, fragrances and colors of flowers that creates one beautiful masterpiece. YOU ARE A FLOWERBED of various talents, and purpose, personality, traits and other things that combine and make you one unique person.

I can remember when I was in an abusive relationship, not physical, but mental, emotional, and verbal. Those mental and emotional scars are hard to heal. These types of scars are the type that only God can heal. It has taken me years to get to the point that I am at now. Praying, and just taking time to reflect, and allowing God to show me my heart revealed to me the issues that I had. I had to ask myself the questions…Why did I chose this person? Why did I stay? What did I really think about myself? Asking yourself these hard questions is vitally important. Taking the time to do this can literally save your life. I can remember I was in a state where I thought at one point I was going to lose my mind. I didn’t think much of myself at all, and I didn’t think that I could get anyone better than who I was with at the time. I couldn’t believe that they wanted me…so I did whatever I had to do to keep them. My life revolved around them, what they needed, what they wanted, and what I thought they wanted me to be. While I was being abused by them, I was neglecting myself. I was losing myself, and that too is a form of abuse.

When you neglect a flowerbed, weeds start to grow, because you haven’t taken the time to prune, to cultivate the dirt or to put mulch down. Neglect leaves room for anything to enter in. Weeds start to creep up, all types of different insects start to destroy the flowers…Its the small foxes that destroy a vine (Song of Solomon 2:15).  We have to guard our hearts (Prov: 4:23). So if there was any lesson that I learned, it is that you have to first love God with your whole heart, seek His word, learn what He says about you, this will cause you to love yourself. When you love yourself, there are certain things that you will not accept.  So I want to start a new trending topic. #whatILearned.  I will begin with me….#whatILearned is that there are always early signs, and it is important to always pray and ask God, seek good counsel before you enter into a relationship. NEVER SETTLE. Be watchful. God will never lead you into any situation unaware. I learned how important it is to love yourself, and to know yourself. I also learned that no man should ever define how high your self-esteem is. Once you realize that you are a child of the King, and the apple of God’s eye, nothing else matters.

Share with me below what you have learned from being in a bad situation. Whether its been a relationship, or life circumstances, etc. share what you have learned. I look forward to hearing what you have learned. If you need to talk about anything, feel free to contact me via email at abundantheart14@gmail.com. It will be confidential.

Much Agape,



One thought on “#whatILearned

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