That loneliness caused me to get into another painful relationship. I was too busy trying to be what I thought he wanted me to be. I was seeking love and validation in the wrong place. I went through and did things in that relationship that I never thought I would do. I lost my faith, I didn’t pray like I used to, I didn’t read like I used to. That man and that relationship became my Idol. I began to be isolated from my family and friends.I accepted treatment from him that was unimaginable. I literally went through Hell, all because I did not value myself and I did not want to be alone.
I was a late bloomer. I didn’t get my first boyfriend until I was 20, and to this day I have only had 3 serious relationships. Growing up, I was bullied by peers and family members…for a long time I thought no one liked me. I’ve dealt with thoughts of suicide. I have been called ugly, fat, even been told I stunk to my face. I was talked about because of my hair, my clothes, etc. And I never bothered anybody. That was the thing that I never could understand. I just thought I was unwanted, and unloved.
That’s the way the enemy wants you to feel. He is strategic in his moves. He studies each and every one of us closely, looking at our weaknesses and strengths. He attacks you where you are weak. This is why it is so important for us to recognize where we are mentally and emotionally…and work on that. Own up to your stuff! Deal with it, and then move on.
So I have been owning up to my stuff. I have been dealing with my stuff. I STILL have stuff to work on. But I am so thankful that God is faithful to complete the work that he has began in me.
Phillippians 1:6-“Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:”
I am so thankful right now for God’s chastisement, because I know that he loves me. He wants me to make it! He wants YOU to make it!
Hebrews 12:6-AMP-“For the Lord corrects and disciplines everyone whom He loves, and He punishes, even scourges, every son whom He accepts and welcomes to His heart and cherishes.
So let God try the reigns of your heart. Let him clean you up…let him Show you, YOU! Its not always easy, but I know that it is worth it. He is ironing out my wrinkles, healing my blemishes. This time in my life is not easy…sometimes it hurts. But, I look at it like this…if you think of a child who is going through a growth spurt…their bones ache, because they are growing. My soul is aching because the SPIRIT is growing inside of me…and those things that are not like God are being pushed out. God showed me that I had to forgive…it hurt me to realize that I had been harboring that, but as I went through the process…pushed it out…the pain subsided. When God showed me that I had anger issues…it hurt me because I didn’t realize I did…but as I let things go…that pain subsided. Now, as God is freeing me of this loneliness….the pain is subsiding…..Thank you Jesus. So, if you are lonely, angry, hurting, holding grudges….remember that God still loves you, and he is the Healer of all. He already took care of that on the cross, all you have to do is receive it. I want to leave you with this scripture…its actually one of my favorites….but keep this in mind as you go through the pain of the process…it won’t last always…..
Romans 8:18-“For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.”
Listen to this song by the Clark sisters….
God Bless you. If you want to talk, or just vent. Feel free to hit me up in my email….firstname.lastname@example.org. Feel free to comment below!
In His Abundant Love,